Even More Conspiracy Theories of Haruhi Suzumiya - Christmas Edition

[goddoesntknow]

So.

Santa Claus.

Jolly fat man who delivers presents to all the good little boys and girls, or something more sinister?

I've been pondering this for awhile, and have come to a conclusion...

Santa is, in fact, an alien. No other creature on earth could live that long. OR TRAVEL THAT FAST. The presents and gifts are a facade, a ruse to lure us into a false sense of security, so that we turn away while his true intentions are put into motion.

Some may question whether or not he exists, but I am convinced he, in fact, travels the globe as a means of mapping it, and surveying things. Taking a look at various superpowers' defenses so that when the centuries of preparation is complete, they have an up-to-date assessment of our strengths and weaknesses when the invasion inevitably comes.

Sure, he might bring presents.

But at what cost? AT WHAT COST?!

...

Which, hey, nothing we have to worry about HERE, but I figured everyone deserves a fair warning. ^_^

Comments

[locked from Haruhi]

[onlysaneguy.livejournal.com]

... you dealt with a rift in space time, the key to evolution and god then?

Re: [locked from Haruhi]

[ponchotexas.livejournal.com]

No, no not really. That's... pretty damn interesting, though. She really capable of that?

All I'm sayin' is at least she's not a serial killer or something like it on top of that. Could be worse, really.

Re: [locked from Haruhi]

[onlysaneguy.livejournal.com]

I've had to stop her from remaking the whole world, my world, from scratch. So yes, yes she is. And she's not aware of it.

... Actually... one time she could have almost made a murder happen, because she wanted something exciting to happen on an island.

Re: [locked from Haruhi]

[ponchotexas.livejournal.com]

... goddamn there's some strange worlds out there.

So, what, some one would have just... died? With no visible method or evidence?

Re: [locked from Haruhi]

[onlysaneguy.livejournal.com]

It's actually pretty normal!

... Closed door murder, I think that's what Koizumi said would have happened. Thankfully precautions were taken and nobody died... They just fake died until Haruhi had her fun and figured out it was all a set up.

Re: [locked from Haruhi]

[ponchotexas.livejournal.com]

Normal for you, maybe. Normal for me is homicides, arson, and the occasional rape-murder if I'm having a good week.

Even closed door murders have some kind of evidence left behind. I mean, really, get down to the nitty gritty of it, everyone leaves something behind, even if they try to clean up.

Re: [locked from Haruhi]

[onlysaneguy.livejournal.com]

Sounds like America to me. And normal for me should be going to school and living a normal life, not baby sitting Suzumiya.

... yeah and? Haruhi was the one who would've solved it, she would have set it up that way without even meaning to.

Re: [locked from Haruhi]

[ponchotexas.livejournal.com]

Vegas. I suppose this place isn't much better for you, then. ... does that power even work in a world where there's already a defined god?

[okay, now he's head scratching a bit]

... huh. Well. I guess it's a good thing it didn't actually happen then. Better a fake death than some one actually dying.

Re: [locked from Haruhi]

[onlysaneguy.livejournal.com]

Dunno, but I do know that I'd like to have a world to go back to so getting her mad or upset is a bad idea.

... mmhmm, gotta thank Koizumi and the other ESPers for that really.

Re: [locked from Haruhi]

[ponchotexas.livejournal.com]

Yeah, yeah, doesn't sound like it's worth the risk.

ESPers? Sorry, that one went over my head.

Re: [locked from Haruhi]

[onlysaneguy.livejournal.com]

Glad to see you agree.

ESPers, people with special powers. Except they can only use them in closed space back home.

Re: [locked from Haruhi]

[ponchotexas.livejournal.com]

I've been doin' the CSI thing long enough to know when a risk is stupid and when it's not.

Not that it stops you from running after people with guns.

You've been listening to Greg again, haven't you?

Mhm!

... whatever. Anyway, what's closed space then?

Re: [locked from Haruhi]

[onlysaneguy.livejournal.com]

Closed Space is... Well, it's a pocket of space created when Suzumiya is mad, or sad, or... Augh, how did Koizumi explain it to me...

Pretty much it's a bubble of space that Haruhi creates with her subconscious when she's upset and if it gets to big? The whole world is pretty much screwed.

Re: [locked from Haruhi]

[ponchotexas.livejournal.com]

So like a... whatsit... Archie mentioned this once... pocket dimension?

Re: [locked from Haruhi]

[onlysaneguy.livejournal.com]

That's probably the simplest way to explain them, yeah.

Re: [locked from Haruhi]

[ponchotexas.livejournal.com]

And she can make them, and doesn't even know she's doing it? That's pretty damn weird...

Re: [locked from Haruhi]

[onlysaneguy.livejournal.com]

Yep. ... She thrives on weird, too bad she can't know about it.

Re: [locked from Haruhi]

[ponchotexas.livejournal.com]

Sounds like it, given her odd theory about Santa. No wonder she loves the 'loids so much. Right up her alley.

Re: [locked from Haruhi]

[onlysaneguy.livejournal.com]

Until she gets bored of them, that is.

Re: [locked from Haruhi]

[ponchotexas.livejournal.com]

I'unno. Kinda hard to get bored of 'em, considering new ones come along all the time it seems. Plus, come on, have you seen how cute some of them are? Miku's like a big ball of adorable.