Even More Conspiracy Theories of Haruhi Suzumiya - Christmas Edition

[goddoesntknow]

So.

Santa Claus.

Jolly fat man who delivers presents to all the good little boys and girls, or something more sinister?

I've been pondering this for awhile, and have come to a conclusion...

Santa is, in fact, an alien. No other creature on earth could live that long. OR TRAVEL THAT FAST. The presents and gifts are a facade, a ruse to lure us into a false sense of security, so that we turn away while his true intentions are put into motion.

Some may question whether or not he exists, but I am convinced he, in fact, travels the globe as a means of mapping it, and surveying things. Taking a look at various superpowers' defenses so that when the centuries of preparation is complete, they have an up-to-date assessment of our strengths and weaknesses when the invasion inevitably comes.

Sure, he might bring presents.

But at what cost? AT WHAT COST?!

...

Which, hey, nothing we have to worry about HERE, but I figured everyone deserves a fair warning. ^_^

Comments

[drunkkareoke.livejournal.com]

... Nick nii-chan isn't evil! He isn't!

Okay, okay. You're starting to upset her, Haruhi.

[goddoesntknow.livejournal.com]

Fine, fiiiiiiiiiine.

I'm just saying you have to consider all possibilities, yeesh.

BUT HEY, look at it like Halloween. And either way, it doesn't discount my Santa theory!

[ponchotexas.livejournal.com]

She's uh... kinda in the corner, kiddo.

[goddoesntknow.livejournal.com]

...dammit!

You know, Haruhi-sama, this keeps happen-

WHO ASKED YOU.

[ponchotexas.livejournal.com]

Could ya try to be a little more sensitive towards the 'lodis? They're easily excitable, yehknow.

[goddoesntknow.livejournal.com]

...sensitive.

[ponchotexas.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Like, try not to freak 'em out so much?

[goddoesntknow.livejournal.com]

Freak them out?? I'm merely expressing theories and opinions!

btw Ken, you're on RP secrets for this very post :)

[ponchotexas.livejournal.com]

Yeah, and making my sister think I'm evil. You forget how easily influenced Haku is?

I noticed. I'm a bit torn between flattered and sad at getting someone else put down in the process.

[goddoesntknow.livejournal.com]

...

Huh.

I guess she is.

...

Same, but hell, compliment is a compliment when it comes to the dredge that is RP!S

[ponchotexas.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Yeah, she is.

Well, that much IS true. But still somewhat unfortunate.

[goddoesntknow.livejournal.com]

Good to know.

I'll make sure to keep that in mind. ^_^

[onlysaneguy.livejournal.com]

That's... Never going to happen, sorry.

[ponchotexas.livejournal.com]

Worth a shot, innit?

[onlysaneguy.livejournal.com]

Only if you like beating your head against wall.

[ponchotexas.livejournal.com]

Oh, trust me. I've dealt with much worse than a head strong teenage conspiracy theorist.

[locked from Haruhi]

[onlysaneguy.livejournal.com]

... you dealt with a rift in space time, the key to evolution and god then?

Re: [locked from Haruhi]

[ponchotexas.livejournal.com]

No, no not really. That's... pretty damn interesting, though. She really capable of that?

All I'm sayin' is at least she's not a serial killer or something like it on top of that. Could be worse, really.

Re: [locked from Haruhi]

[onlysaneguy.livejournal.com]

I've had to stop her from remaking the whole world, my world, from scratch. So yes, yes she is. And she's not aware of it.

... Actually... one time she could have almost made a murder happen, because she wanted something exciting to happen on an island.

Re: [locked from Haruhi]

[ponchotexas.livejournal.com]

... goddamn there's some strange worlds out there.

So, what, some one would have just... died? With no visible method or evidence?

Re: [locked from Haruhi]

[onlysaneguy.livejournal.com]

It's actually pretty normal!

... Closed door murder, I think that's what Koizumi said would have happened. Thankfully precautions were taken and nobody died... They just fake died until Haruhi had her fun and figured out it was all a set up.

Re: [locked from Haruhi]

[ponchotexas.livejournal.com]

Normal for you, maybe. Normal for me is homicides, arson, and the occasional rape-murder if I'm having a good week.

Even closed door murders have some kind of evidence left behind. I mean, really, get down to the nitty gritty of it, everyone leaves something behind, even if they try to clean up.

Re: [locked from Haruhi]

[onlysaneguy.livejournal.com]

Sounds like America to me. And normal for me should be going to school and living a normal life, not baby sitting Suzumiya.

... yeah and? Haruhi was the one who would've solved it, she would have set it up that way without even meaning to.

Re: [locked from Haruhi]

[ponchotexas.livejournal.com]

Vegas. I suppose this place isn't much better for you, then. ... does that power even work in a world where there's already a defined god?

[okay, now he's head scratching a bit]

... huh. Well. I guess it's a good thing it didn't actually happen then. Better a fake death than some one actually dying.

Re: [locked from Haruhi]

[onlysaneguy.livejournal.com]

Dunno, but I do know that I'd like to have a world to go back to so getting her mad or upset is a bad idea.

... mmhmm, gotta thank Koizumi and the other ESPers for that really.